♥ ; Don't play with fire, cause you're gonna get burnt.
& when you walked away, I count the steps that you take..♥
Thursday, March 26, 2009
I don't know. Should I be happy or should I be sad. This is what I wanted, yet this is something that really hurts. I'm a women, and I know how it feels like when a women have to go, for someone else's happiness. It's really pain, so pain, I swear. But it's not me who have to face the pain, but it's her. The person who have sacrifice so much, give the whole love that it felt like there's no more that she can give, and the person, who have to face this pain, the person who I used to despise on so much. I should be happy, cause I won for what I know praying is the only way to have everything back in life. Yet, I could feel, how she feel right now. She's so strong, I coudn't deny it. She's got that as her strength, to still stand up, although her heart's broken. She still dare to pick up her own pieces of her that had just been broken. I'm so .. proud of her.. To be that strong. It's not easy, to pick up back your own pieces of heart, back together. It is not easy ! It will takes time..
I am sorry that this things have to happen. But I am glad everything's over now. I woke up in relief. Although I've still got that heavy feeling remembering what had just happened last night, I still have to face it cause I know god had answer my pray, and I know I don't wanna waste this, away. Why? Cause I want to make use of all this advantages to go through my life with a smile, everyday. I swear, I'm happy enough that god just give me the chance. Maybe god know I could be strong to face this. And I'm glad enough that god gave me this opportunity. All I can say is that I am speechless. I couldn't tell much cause, it's not easy to describe. Unexplainable.
I have to be strong to make this relationship much more worthful. It's going 2months and all this happened. This are maybe one of the ups and downs in a relationship that we have to face. I could only care less cause it hurts. Day by day, I could feel what they would feel, instead of thinking of what I feel. I felt so wrong so what I can do is just to tell off to him, to be strong in making decision, and make sure he won't regret in his desicion. If that's what he really want, than make sure he won't be sad over it. I know it will take time to heal, but it's always better, in time. Cause god's always there to test each and every steps you make.
Finally the decision was made. I was relief that I'm the one. But when I called her, the sympathy just runs down to her. This hate feeling over her will be gone. Cause like I say, I am a woman. I understands how she feels to be the one who have to back off from this relationship. I just feel like crying with her, cause I know how much she really wanna cry off. Yet she's very strong to face it. She tried to hide everything to herself. All I could do is to tell her to be strong. And apologies, that all this things happen. I myself doesn't want it to be this way. But I know, if this is the way of story line that was stated, we can't go back to the past to erase and retype what we want to happen.
When I spoke to him yesterday, I couldn't bear to see those watery eyes. It's like, you're happy, I'm gonna be smiling happily. But if you're sad, I'm gonna make sure I'm carrying the same feeling with you. I just couldn't bear to see him sad. Why? Cause it's really pain. So pain to see him being sad. It's as if like all his hopes has been crashed. But he's still so strong to pick up back the pieces of heart. He still wanna stand up and look for his future. He've gotta face the pain just to know that he wanna be happy in future. He just wanna smile and just forget about the pain. He just feel like crying his heart out and tell off how much heavy it is to make this decision. He's strong.. So strong that I myself couldn't see that in myself. I'm proud of him. Although he's very sad, he still wanna smile. Cause he know this is what he wanted.. Sweet dreams my dear..
As for me .. I'm glad all I do was to pray and to just give motivations to myself. I am glad that I don't have to do anything so hard to tell how much I don't wanna lose him easily. I'm glad that I got what I want. I am very happy about it. Cause it's just miracle how a love story could go.. Now I've just gotta close the old book and welcome a new one. Let me write my own love story without anyone asking me how to. I'm proud of myself, cause my message that I wanna deliver to him, is delivered by god. To feel me. And he really did. And this ended up with his answer..
Dearest Sufi, I promise you, I'll still stand by you, as long as I can still do. I don't wanna see you fall down, anymore.. Reach my hands and let's walk back to the path we used to walk in. Life's unpredictable. We just have to be aware. Love is blind, but care is more fun.
I'm just 17, there's still a long way to go..
Take care ya all...
♥ 7:39 AM,
Sitting Down Reminiscing
The
Melancholy Feelings
And The Agony Heart.
