♥ ; Spare me some love, I need it..
& when you walked away, I count the steps that you take..♥
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
I put the password, as your name, because the one who's gonna be reading my post now, is gonna be you, and him, and I don't want anyone else to intrude this blog, except for those hackers.. No one in my friendlist knows your name or who are you.. So I hope just be patient.
Right now, I'm at the stage where I have to walk on the path that is like a string , I need to balance my self, or I'll fall. I need to control my self, or I'll fall. I need to search for a guiding hands, so that I won't fall. I can't be pushed, even a little, or I'll fall and in reality, humans can't fly up. So I'm gone .. Just like it's a life. I need to believe in myself. I can no more hear more stories cause I'm falling, I'm not strong ...
Hearing the truth is difficult. Knowing the truth is hard to accept. When love's taking over, life's seems to be shaky. What I'm feeling right now? Hahas.. I just feel like lying in my bed, and never wake up from my sweet dreams until it's time, and it is when I know everything's over. But reality, it's just miracle. God knows what' it is doing. God just know why it happened. It's the matter of patient and faith. I've gotta endure this. I've gotta believe in myself.
I can't deny and I can't lie to myself. I don't wanna lose what I have, but I have no strength at all. I am glad, people around me cares, but I just can't seem to tell everything. Not that I don't trust no one. It's that I just can't make up myself. Yes, I can just go.. God's angry and god hates to see people giving up. But god will be more sad, to see it's human, suffering in pain.
My mind was poisoned. And the only way to cure is a game for u to play with. If you figure it out, you could see the pain slowly go away. But if you're not playing the game, this is what it's gonna be. I bet you, having a high fever and getting to know things that are too sensitive, what it will came out? Sigh. I'll let no one understand...
I just need someone, who I can trust, I can believe and I can relay on right now. I just feel like letting out, everything not leaving any secrets anymore. I can't stand holding it to myself. I just feel like lying in the bed and forget about everything. I don't wanna crawl anymore.. I need to stand. I need those strength. I don't understand why should all this happen.. I am weak, so weak... that you can't imagine how am I doing right now.
I can't sleep the whole night and all I did was to listen to syarahan to avoid myself from being carried away too far. The greatest gift I could ever have, is to know that everything's over now and I could stay strong and happy. I don't want any lies.. Cause I've given the faith. Just be true, don't make this faith, fade.... I am weak, I can easily go.. But I don't want to, cause.. love..
Sigh ... I'm gonna be strong..
Ain't gonna update for a few days..
You can go now, readers..
Thanks for dropping by..
Lastly, thanks to Remy, Kak Eqa conquettish, Eerah , Lenny and Andie for have been trying to make me smile. Thanks Kak Eqa and Remy, for those big advice. Thanks to Kak Long, for letting me know your experience. Thanks Remy, for making me realize this is reality. Thanks Kak Eqa, soo much, for giving me strength and forget about how should I feel..
Yours Truly.
Nurul Umirah ..
"it was 2 months past i've been single..n i noe my ex boyfriend is YOU are the one tat rampas so i shud be the one tat call u PERAMPAS & DESPERATE gerl..tis thing keep goin on,is it my fault??i tink my exboyfriend yg find me till now n tats y i myself susa nk lepaskan dier..he gave my fae hopes n at the same time makin use of 'ME'..have u ever tink bout it??uh..by YOU kutuk me at ur WONDERFUL BLOG,its juz nuthin for me..coz i tink i noe HYM more ten YOU doo..so im here juz relax coz i dun wana get into fight psl LAKI..?sounds weird..n saper yg carik psl dulu nihh..uh??come on gerl..YESS..he did change tis year but mayb not ALL..tats y NOW ako nih susa nk lepaskan dier bab he gave me FAKE BLOODY HOPE n bla bla bla..(tats too personal)bukan nk ckp aper uh tapi if u do something to the extend,i have to do something coz i tink its not my BLOODY FAULT..its all ON HIS HAND actualli which i myself pon terikot STUPID..i regret listening,follow wat he say & all..OPEN UR EYES BIG2 gerl..
n about my frens supporting YOU both nih,tuh dorang nyer psl coz i didnt like tell my frens around to hate u or even tell the whole werld or urs to view my FRIENDSTER..coz i tink tuh semue TAK PERLU kannn..so YEAH!!"
I hope when you wrote that, is before I got a chance, to talk with you, on the phone.
And I hope just for you to know. I'm only willing to let go, if he agrees and admit, that he will be happy with you, or he needs you more than he needs me. Don't call me perampas. You can just ask him, how I ended up being with him. I am not that mean to rampas someone's property. But in my case, I didn't know much about you.. Siape carik psl dulu? I won't pick a fight if I don't know about your shout out, mostly are refering to me. Who told me that, you should know who. I've talked to you in the phone last night. And I hope all this could be settle as soon as possible..
Dear boyfriend, when you read this, I'll be lying on the bed, just hoping that when I wake up, everything's gonna be fine.. You know, I don't want you to stress up yourself and get frustrated over this.. But you've gotta make the choice too.. It's not only her, who want you to make the choice, but me, I want you to make the choice too... I don't wanna feel this way, and I am so sure, she doesn't want it too.. I have a heart, and I am not heartless, I am not selfish .. Take one, and make sure you're happy with your choice, pray to god, that it's not the wrong choice.. I know ure sick and tired too.. And I know you have to feel it more than I do.. But make up your mind my dear.. If you choose her , don't be afraid, if I'll get hurt. Be strong, cause you know you are gonna be happy with her .. I leave everything to you, cause you said, you know what you're doing. Just so you know, me and her, is still at your back, supporting whatever you do..
♥ 8:20 AM,
Sitting Down Reminiscing
The
Melancholy Feelings
And The Agony Heart.
