It's 4.57am in the morning .. I'm still not asleep yet .. I'm tired, I'm feeling lethargic, I'm having butterflies in my tummy and I just wanna close my eyes and forget everything .. But bet you, I can't .. I've been yawning from just now .. But I can't get some rest .. Dear is sleeping, and he really need a lot of rest .. He didn't have the good rest for the last few days .. Since I'm out of Singapore, things changed ..

I couldn't believe things happened when I'm gone. But yeah, everything that happens must have it's own reason. I believed in it. Behind every smile and every laughter contains a lot of bitter sweet memories. I couldn't care much that things are supposed to go this way. I don't wanna be too confident. I don't wanna cry begging for help. I just wanna stand up, and hold him tight. I am not desperate, but I'm accepting the fact and reality. I am glad, he loves me so much. I am fortunate to have him. I am happy that I could stay in his heart. I don't want anyone else to replace him. I don't need anyone else to make me happy. I just need him by my side.

I couldn't care much about others now. Cause I know myself the best. Thinking and solving things maturely is much more better than letting it go. Now I am back, and I'll make sure things are going down smoothly. I wanna make sure that this is wrong. I wanna be sure that there is still a path to the right way. I want to pull him back over that path. I wanna push everything that bothers him so much away. I'll make sure he is strong and confident enough. I'll also make sure, that he believes in himself, more than others.

I know it's gonna be difficult cause I've gotta start from square one. But I don't care. What I can say is that, he really need to come back. Yes, he changed a little. The 'Sufi' I know is different. The real 'Sufi' is there, waiting for a time to get out from it's hiding place. Time is the only way that can prove to everyone that he is not what you people think he is. So what, I just know him. That's not the big deal down here. The big deal is that how I could help him. How I could manage him. Just want him all for myself. Don't want anyone else to take him away from me.

I know I could take all those advantages. But I won't, cause three parties will suffer. I am not thinking only about myself. After all, I'm just a girl with feelings and thoughts. I am old enough to think what is right and what is wrong. Don't judge me, although I have that pity feeling towards the third party, what I can say is that, I don't have it anymore in me. Why? Cause I was all wrong. Why should I pity about people while they don't pity about them self? Why should I be sad about it when I know that I should be happy for myself? Why should I trust all those lies? Why should I cry, when I know, I've got all those opportunities? I don't wanna be sad about people who take advantages about it.

I love my boyfriend. I don't wanna see him suffer. I wanna make him happy all day. I wanna see him smile and laugh with me. I don't wanna leave him stranded on a lurch and watch him suffer. I don't want anyone else to break his heart and make him feel guilty as if he was at fault. I don't wanna see him having sleepless night thinking of all this problem. He needs to be happy. He needs all the space to laugh and smile. He should receive a much more better treatment than all this. He deserve it. Cause he have done too much already. All those sacrifices and enduring the pain. And I am still glad, for sacrificing my feelings, just for his happiness. Cause I know, being patient is the only way.

When he smile and laugh, I have a glimpse of heaven, telling that I nearly complete my job every seconds. I am glad enough that all those lies are gonna fade. All those truth are gonna end. And all those suffer, .. Sigh.. What I can do now, is just to make him feel much more better. Don't wanna see him being sad all over again.