♥ Nurul Umirah ♥

♥ ; This is my confession.

& when you walked away, I count the steps that you take..♥
Tuesday, June 2, 2009

It's 1.45am. I just couldn't sleep yet.. I'm just on a verge of avowing my feelings.

I'm sorry that you couldn't see it. I don't know why, but I am so sure that it's already so obvious. Maybe not in your eyes, but to others, it's proven. I can't deny that I've not yet let you see it, but trust me, my faith, my care and my heart is yelling so hard to tell that it's true. Although you can't barely see it, but I know somehow in a glimpse, you could see it. It's either you really take a look and keep it, or just think that it's not to your standard. It's like a fiduciary duty for me. I don't demand much about our relationship, but all I ask for is patience. You could see it yourself, patience always leads to happiness. All I need is your trust, to love me and to understand me. Give me all this times. I might be cheeky at times and I might be playful at times. But if my heart is a museum and can be visited, I would be happy enough to give you a free ticket ride and let you see what lies in there.

I avow what ever lies in my head right now cause it bothers me so much. I wanted you to see, but I don't want it to go too quickly. I know it needs time, I bet you for sure and of cause this scary feeling is there whenever I think about you. Firstly and foremostly is that, I fear to lose you that easily. Yes, I know I've got all those advantages, all those supports. But I don't believe in that. I don't trust that I could easily get your heart just like that. Why? Cause I know, you can easily just go. I don't wanna feel the agony. I don't wanna see karma anymore. I'm tired of seeing karma again and again. The first three months being together is really already enough for me. By nullifying things that happened before this, is not the way to solve any problem.

To me, this heart is already too brittle. It's either it will trip and fall, tumble and break, or just stay that way. Cause no one can see how much it cost. How much it's so fragile like a thin glass. The past have teaches me a lot of lesson. A lot of pain. A lot of misery. And ofcause, a lot of mistake. Each and everyday, life change, feelings change, mindset changes and not to forget, this relationship, will always grow if we can take care of it. I can't stand reckoning how much pain we suffer before this. Now that days goes by, now that time flies so fast, I discovered that I've gotta do something. The more I let out, the more I feel insecure.

All this obstacles that we're facing right now are parts and parcels of our relationship. I just hope one day I could still wave to you knowing that I could still run to you and hug you when I see you. I've got to start slowly to hinder all this away. I can't just stand there looking at you doing all those work for me. I can't just let you suffer by yourself to show me how faith you are to me. I know, showing you my faith is already one big thing. Cause I've never been so faithful before this. All this while. As how much you're scared right now, is how much I'm scared right now. How much you think Karma will come back, is how much I see it right now. I'm scared, and I don't wanna see it anymore. It's already too pain and I'm trying my best to survive from it.

I've got to confide everything to you, cause I know that you really need to know and see it. I can't just let it be so secrecy cause it might destroy parts of our love. Trust , Faith and Love is a very big word. Each represents a big meaning and an important role.

Trust,
Having you to trust me, and me trusting you, make things work nicely. Honest and beliefs. No lies in each heart and no secrecy between us. You see it, I see it. Somehow or another, no one can compare it. Let them envy us, let them think negatively about us, but the truth, no one can ever reveal why. Cause only us, could hold the answer.

Faith,
Being in a relationship, having faith as one of our important role is really complicated, for people who are not used to it, cause it's a big thing for me. My past have teached me a lot. I've declared enough for you to see that it's true. If one day you could see it, I would be so glad, cause at least you know that my faith to you is really strong. Enduring the pains that come by each day and letting me be strong every minute. I'm not sure why, but I know it's so strong...

Love,
Falling in love is difficult. Especially to people who is new. But falling in love to you, to me isn't a mistake. I am big enough to compare which is right and which is wrong. I don't wanna see us tremble and fall apart cause falling deeply in love is a big thing for me. This feeling to you is so different. So true yet it's so invicible. It's this nervous feeling. I can't tremulous or I'll missed the chance. The first side of you is so funny. Cause I didn't believe that I could easily fall for you. It's like, you fit in nicely to my dream man list. No one is perfect, I don't wish you to be perfect too. But as long as you are perfectly perfect in my eyes, is already enough.

Don't doubt to my love, cause I'll ~~suffer~~. I just need time and you'll see, it's that you either build the trust in me, or you just let go of it cause you're scared of Karma too. I've seen and experience Karma over and over again already. I know how it feels like. So please trust me this time, cause not only you who's scared over karma, well, I am too..

I asked a question, " How to prove to a guy so that he know that the girl love him so much? "-
"Love can't be proven just in a snap, only time will show cause if u love him so much, you will never leave and you'll always be there when he needs u and u won't neglect him. That's love. When guys are insecure about their feeling, something is wrong some where." (Thanks Fayus.)

Yeah, maybe something's wrong somewhere. I just hope that I could push away this shivery feelings. This grief. This sharp sorrow have to be healed. Cause I know that I want this love story to go in perfect line. I know obstacles are always there. But I guess this is parts and parcels. This is a test that as long as we can face it together, I'm sure we'll go far. I know I'll hold you in my hands strong.

And I just hope you will realize that I'm not lying at all. I'm not an ordinary girl next door. If you could see it, it's already a bonus. Cause I swear I'm not lying. I don't wanna be left alone laying on the lurge. Cause I know, you're my hero to save me from all misery. I promise to be there for you whenever I could. So trust me on that. Trust me as long as you can. Don't be afraid, cause I'm not like all those girls you know. I don't lie to get your heart. I don't use money to buy your love. I sacrifice my feelings to show you my love. I endure all those pains to show you the depth of my love. All I want you to know is that, all I do, I give you all my heart and soul... And I am Nurul Umirah, that you know.

Love,
Nurul Umirah

♥ 12:23 AM,

Sitting Down Reminiscing
The Melancholy Feelings
And The Agony Heart.